help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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