Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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