Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
