Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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