He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
