I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
