How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
