peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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