got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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