sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
