on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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