I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
