You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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