you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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