I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
