you thought your balls were fighting each other...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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