U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
