Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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