her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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