i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
