redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
