Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
