i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
