I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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