so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
