he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
