Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
