maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
