i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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