Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
