So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
