Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am spending my child support on dildos
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
