If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
