swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
