living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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