Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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