Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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