You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
