8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
