tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
