I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
