Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
