how can u be prego again
you didnt know i had herpes?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
