I could have mohawked her pubes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
