you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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