Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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