forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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