don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
