coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When did angry sex become our thing?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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