Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
