I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
