the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
