It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Are my feet made of real feet?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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