Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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